Mental Illness Impacts Entire Families

My father-in-law had a bipolar disorder, which, I’m sorry to say, he seemed to enjoy. His disorder manifested itself into grandiosity – he was important, he knew important people, he knew best, he was always right. I remember a sister-in-law telling me that, one night at the dinner table when she was small, her mother told him that one of the children desperately needed to go to the dentist. My father-in-law didn’t even hesitate. “No,” he said, “I need new shoes. Her teeth will have to wait.”

My father-in-law wasn’t unfeeling or uncaring, but his illness got in the way. In fact, when he was finally diagnosed (years after his children were grown) and began taking Lithium, his entire demeanor changed. He was more thoughtful, more affectionate and empathetic, much less likely to dominate conversations and actions, and more understanding.

It was his children who paid. Being raised by a loving mother and a dictatorial father who was prone – during their childhood – to periods of anger or depression or hyperactivity was very confusing to them, and profoundly affected them into their adult years. Well into middle age, one son reacted angrily to just about everything. The other son employed adult temper tantrums (which his father had so successfully used his entire life) to get his way. One daughter will, to this day, leave the room if anyone raises a voice. Another daughter has bipolar disorder too, and she has decided that she doesn’t need medication, continuing the sad cycle through another generation. All four married very young just to get out of the house and away from their dad.

If you have an untreated mental illness, it is impacting your interactions with the people you love, and you’re impacting them in ways you can’t foresee. Particularly, I think, in the case of children, you’re altering their personalities and views of themselves just as readily as though you were deliberately cruel or abusive.

If you have been diagnosed with any mental illness, please seek treatment from a qualified mental health professional. The road to recovery may not be easy; it’s full of potholes and temptations to just say, “Forget it.” But it’s not just your health and well being that could be at stake; there are others who love you who will be forever impacted by your negative symptoms. By taking the steps to recovery, you’re helping those you love move forward, too.

For more information about services for behavioral health issues, go to sevencounties.com.